I came across a Babble.com blog post on 7 things you should never say to a first time mom over 40. Even though that's not my mommy age bracket, I can safely say it's an accurate list. But it got me thinking of all the thing people {strangers} have said to me as a young mom and hence here's my list.
1. Was he planned?
1. Was he planned?
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| You can't plan perfection. |
Um, does it matter? I got this one tons during my first pregnancy and when Reed was an infant. Now that I'm pregnant with number 2, I've gotten "well, was this one planned?" and the ever classy "Don't you know what causes that?" At this point, I just smile and tell them I'm trying to catch up with The Duggars.
2. Are you married?
Amazingly, even though I'm married now, this question still seems just as rude. And when I wasn't, and said 'No, I'm not' the looks of pity were maddening. The implication that since I'm a mother all I wanted was for a man to come marry me was ridiculous.
side note: the white trash version of this question {which I've also gotten} is 'did your baby daddy stick around?'
3. I could never have been a mom at your age.
This is usually followed by a list of reasons like 'I really needed those years' or 'My 20's were my happiest time' and 'I'm a better mom because I waited'
I can never tell if they're defending their own life choices or if they're extra stupid. Sadly, when I was a newbie mama and had all those postpartum hormones, I used to get my feelings hurt and cry to Adam about the mean old ladies at the grocery store.
4. How old are you?
side note: the white trash version of this question {which I've also gotten} is 'did your baby daddy stick around?'
3. I could never have been a mom at your age.
This is usually followed by a list of reasons like 'I really needed those years' or 'My 20's were my happiest time' and 'I'm a better mom because I waited'
I can never tell if they're defending their own life choices or if they're extra stupid. Sadly, when I was a newbie mama and had all those postpartum hormones, I used to get my feelings hurt and cry to Adam about the mean old ladies at the grocery store.
4. How old are you?
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| with Jana and Ellie on my 22nd birthday |
How old are YOU, lady? Young mamas, take my advice and lie. It's extra funny if you go younger (I'll get my GED any day now, ma'am!)
5. How do you afford a kid at your age?
Can I see a copy of your W-2 also, nosy stranger?
6. Are you the nanny?
You JUST heard him call me mommy. Or aren't your hearing aids turned up? This is usually a backdoor beginning to a conversation about how old I am or to share pearls of wisdom on child-rearing to which, as a young mom, I'm most likely ignorant.
this last one isn't exclusive to young moms but it's something someone said to me once that I've ALWAYS wanted to include in a blog post:
7. You're really breastfeeding because you're lazy & selfish.
5. How do you afford a kid at your age?
Can I see a copy of your W-2 also, nosy stranger?
6. Are you the nanny?
You JUST heard him call me mommy. Or aren't your hearing aids turned up? This is usually a backdoor beginning to a conversation about how old I am or to share pearls of wisdom on child-rearing to which, as a young mom, I'm most likely ignorant.
this last one isn't exclusive to young moms but it's something someone said to me once that I've ALWAYS wanted to include in a blog post:
7. You're really breastfeeding because you're lazy & selfish.
She said it's 'easier' to nurse than to get out of bed to make a bottle and by nursing, I was depriving Adam of bonding time with reed since he was always attached to me.
I don't even have to explain or defend that one, right?
I don't even have to explain or defend that one, right?
Anyone have any more? Mamas of all ages welcome!
Most people, I find, make those kinds of comments to make themselves feel better. Similar to the crazy things overheard at a funeral or tragic news. "Your mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I mean at least she's old and has a family history, right?" Nice one. A friend of mine replied to the "you know what causes this" comment by saying that we know and apparently we are good at it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely need to use that one! Thanks for reading :)
DeleteLol! I loved reading that, and I can totally relate! And would have loved to had read that like 2 years ago! :) I got asked like every one of those as well!! And I also would get upset about some of the comments. Its hard not to, especially hormonal! :) A preggers friend and I were just talking about the stupid things people say to pregnant women, since she has been experiencing it too!
DeleteI also got comments like, "oh my gosh yall didn't wait long after the wedding to get pregnant" while looking at us like we were crazy, and told I was too young. Then they would say "your supposed to wait a year or more after the wedding to get pregnant" (so what if we only waited 7 months, who cares?) And if I mentioned how long we had been together, or how we have always wanted our kids early on, it was planned, etc, they would still look at me like I'm insane and think that I was lying. And it just wasn't from older women, it included some friends...usually the ones who were still living at home and/or are single. lol, But the best thing I hear from those non-mommmas, is when my kid is crying in front of them and I am immediately told, "Im so glad I dont have kids, I'm waiting like 5 years or until we travel and have enough money to have any" Um, ok?? Good for you?? Like that really works?
And now I get TOLD by older women (some of which includes family members) that I need to start trying for #2 already. Since I asked for your opinion?? Lol, well that was my rant on the subject :) I hope yall are doing well!! And congrats! :)
I wish someone had told ME some of this stuff 4 years ago. I think reed was two before I felt confident enough as a mother to know that my age had little bearing on my abilities as a mom.
DeleteI hope you're doing well, Jaxon is the cutest kid!
I'm not breastfeeding because of supply issues but I always get "you're so young, why aren't you breastfeeding? I know your body is capable.." I always feel I have to justify my decision to older moms. Judgey Mcjudgerson's!!
ReplyDeletePeople are crazy, I stalk your pictures of Ellie and that baby girl is clearly healthy and happy (and SO adorable).
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